Your Advice Column Sucks!

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The Trinity Tribune

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Thursday, April 25, 2019

Your Advice Column Sucks!

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Dear Joshua:

I’ve been reading a number of different advice columns for years, and I must say that out of them all, yours is the worst. It truly sucks!

You claim that somehow, someway you’re going to change the world by handing out valuable information which your readers can use to make the world a better place.

Well, I’ve been trying to change the world myself for over 25 years (since I was in high school) and all I can say is, “It’s not going to work!”

Your advice column contains too many generalities. Things like, treat people the way that you yourself would like to be treated, be compassionate toward others, surrender your life to God, say your prayers, etc., etc.

It contains nothing more than a bunch of general advice that’s been preached by people for centuries. It doesn’t contain any specifics, and therefore will not result in any noticeable changes to this world.

Anyway, if I was to rate your column, I wouldn’t give it a “thumbs up” or a “thumbs down”. Nope, I would give it “the finger!”

– Disappointed Dan

Tucson, AZ

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From: Somewhere in the USA

Thursday, 2:32 a.m.

April 25, 2019

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Dear Dan:

So you’re giving my column “the finger”? Hmmmmmmm!!! Well hey, what can I say except for… “Pobody’s Nerfect!”

Seriously though Dan… I do appreciate your constructive criticism. I will take it into consideration as I strive to make this the best advice column on the planet.

In the meantime, let me see what I can offer you in terms of specific advice that will help you and others change the world.

After all, you did mention that, “I’ve been trying to change the world myself for over 25 years – since I was in high school.”

Alrighty now… since you appear to be a real go-getter Dan, I have a challenge for you. It’s a challenge that is based on the movie “Pay It Forward”, starring Kevin Spacey and Haley Joel Osment.

In the movie, Kevin Spacey plays a Social Studies teacher (Mr. Simonet) who gives his class the following assignment…

Think of An Idea To Change Our World… And Put It Into Action!

Haley Joel Osment plays the part of one of his students (Trevor). Trevor is really motivated about the assignment, so he comes up with a big idea.

His idea?

To Do 3 BIG Favors

For 3 Other People…
And Have Each One Of

Those People Do The Same!

Here’s how Trevor explained it to his teacher and classmates when he was writing it on the chalkboard…

“What I’m going to do for this assignment is find 3 people who are very “needy” and I am going help make their lives better. In this diagram here… that’s me at the very top… and below me are the 3 people who I’m going to help.

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“Once I have helped make their lives better, I am going to ask them to do the same thing for 3 other people. (To make 3 other people’s lives better). To “Pay It Forward.” When that occurs, this is what I believe will happen…”

“It might not look like much in the very beginning, however, once this “Pay It Forward” movement starts spreading, it gets BIG pretty quick!”

“As more and more people get involved, helping 2-3 other people, who in turn help another 2-3 people… and so on… and so forth… it grows and grows and grows. Like compound interest in a bank account, the results keep multiplying… over… and over… and over… to a point where eventually the movement starts to look something like this…”

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As you can see… this thing can get real big… real quick!”

Does that make sense to you Dan… the basics of the “Pay It Forward” movement?

Good.

Okay now Dan… you say that you really want to change the world?

Here’s the challenge I have for you. Don’t worry Dan… don’t worry… unlike the previous posts to my advice column (which you said contained only “general advice”) the following contains SPECIFIC ADVICE … a step-by-step plan of action you can implement, that truly can change the world.

And fear not my good friend, because not only is it “do-able”… it’s also easy to replicate… even for the “Average Joe”.

Go ahead and have a look at this plan that’s been named after you…

My “Disappointed Dan’s

Step-By-Step Plan of Action

For Changing The World”

Step 1: Since you live in Tucson, Arizona, take a ride over to a homeless shelter called H.I.P. (Homeless Intervention & Prevention Services). It’s located at 702 S. 6th Ave. in downtown Tucson. Ask to speak to Marybeth, she’s the Resource Specialist. She’s going to assist you in accomplishing what I’m about to share with you.

Step 2: Tell Marybeth that you’re on a mission to change the lives of 3 homeless people. When she starts asking you questions about why you’re doing this, you can either refer her to this advice column or you can go ahead and explain it yourself.

Step 3: If you explain it yourself, tell her something along the lines of, “I’m trying to start a movement by changing the world one person at a time. I’d like to start out with a person who is extremely deserving. Somebody who is trying really hard to improve their life. A real go-getter you might say.” (For right now Dan, I’d like you to steer clear of helping hardcore drug addicts & alcoholics.)

Don’t worry about them; because we’re going to be helping them out in the very near future. For right now though, we need to build your confidence level in this movement by having you help some of the less challenging people. People who (because of your help) will be able to improve their lives… fast!

With Marybeth’s guidance, you will quickly get to know 3 or more people who you’ll be best suited to help.

Step 4: After you’ve met one (or more) persons who you’re confident you can help, take them out to lunch. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Take them out to lunch and have a serious face-to-face conversation with them in which you’ll ask, “What can I do to make your life better?”

Since they’re homeless, odds are they’re probably out-of-work and are in need of a decent job. And that’s most likely what they’ll ask you to help them with. If so, it’s a pretty easy fix.

In the movie “Pay It Forward”, Trevor bought a homeless man some new clothes so he could get a job… and it changed the guy’s life.

Changing The World…

One Life At A Time!!!

You can do the same thing (or something similar). You can purchase very nice clothing very inexpensively (suits, ties, shoes, dresses, sneakers, work boots, jeans, etc.) for one or more persons, by taking them clothes shopping at either a Goodwill or Salvation Army thrift store.

In Tucson, AZ there are 3 Goodwill stores and 2 Salvation Army stores. You’ll find their locations on Google. NOTE: Most of the clothing sold at these stores is of high quality. While a small percentage of what they sell is brand spanking new. (You’ll be pleasantly surprised at what they have.) Anyway… for each individual you help, all in all you’ll probably end up spending somewhere around $15 – $25 / person.

Step 5: Right about now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “This is great, it’s certainly a step in the right direction in helping these people to feel better about themselves, however, I don’t have a clue as to how I’m gonna help them find a job!”

Not to worry Dan… not to worry… because all you gotta do is flip to the “Ask Joshua Advice Column Archives” section of this website (by clicking on the tab at the top of this page) so you can read the column dated December 7, 2018 “Homeless, Hopeless & Sick of Prayer”. There you will find some very… very…

What’s that? You say that you can’t be bothered? You say that you’re way too busy? You say that I should just copy & paste the column I want you to read right here below?

Okay, okay, relax… don’t be so testy…

Sheeeeeesh!!!

Here it is… copied… pasted… and delivered right to your doorstep.

Dan, almost word-for-word you’re going to share the following Step # 6 with each person you’re trying to help. Here it is…

Step 6: How To Get A Job Fast: Go to a local library (public or college) and hop onto one of the many computers that they make available to the public. On the computer they are sure to have a FREE phone system called Skype.

You will use this free phone system to make dozens, perhaps even hundreds of calls to small business owners like painters, plumbers, home builders, carpet cleaners, window washers, landscapers, construction companies, etc., etc.

You’ll find hundreds / thousands of them in the “Online Yellow Pages”. Start making calls to these small companies (ask to speak with the owner) and tell ‘em that you are very interested in being employed by them.

With A Little Perseverance

You Can Land Your “Dream Job”

Most business owners are probably going to tell you, “Sorry, but we don’t have any job openings right now”.

That’s okay though, because at right about that point in the conversation you will tell them that you are so eager to do the type of work their company specializes in, that you are willing to work for them for FREE for 1 – 2 weeks, so they can give you a “test-drive” to see that you are indeed a good, honest, hard-working, dependable person who they’d be crazy not to hire.

Take these steps… play your cards right… and you WILL find yourself a good, solid, long-term job that will provide you with a steady income… and eventually… an apartment or home of your own.

Dan, those are 6 relatively easy steps you can take that will help change the world one person at a time.

One Last Suggestion…

Instead of referring to this plan as being “Disappointed Dan’s Step-By-Step Plan of Action For Changing The World”, we should simply call it…

“The Movement”

This way, when someone asks you (or anyone else who has enough ambition in their bones to implement it) why you’re going around helping people change their lives, you can just simply say…

“I’m Part of The Movement!”

Sure sounds a whole heck of a lot better than, “Disappointed Dan’s Step-By-Step Plan of Action For Changing The World.”

Does it not?

Sincerely yours,

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P.S. A friendly little request here to all my friends & subscribers out there: Enjoy this advice column? If so… please be sure to share it with everyone you know. Thanks.

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